Turning Toward Each Other: Staying Centered When Our Partner Is Triggered

 In the day-to-day work of parenting, it’s easy to focus all our energy on our children’s needs; their sleep, their meals, their moods, their milestones. But underneath all of that is the foundation that holds it all together: the relationship between the parents.

One of the most transformative shifts I see in couples is when one partner learns to stay centered and open when the other is feeling overwhelmed, triggered, or activated. This moment, when tension begins to rise, is often where disconnection happens. We may instinctively want to correct, defend, prove our point, or even shut down. But what if, instead, we did something radically different?

What if, in that exact moment, we turned toward our partner?

Not with agreement. Not with fixing. Not even with a solution.

But with a desire for understanding. With openness. With compassion.

Sometimes, that looks like simply listening. Staying quiet. Making eye contact. Taking a breath and staying with them instead of pulling away, "I'm here for you.". "I hear you saying ___ , tell me more", or "That sounds hard." "Let's work this out together." "Let me know when you're ready." "I really care and what to know what you're experiencing."

Other times, it might look like offering a hand, a shoulder, or a hug, a nonverbal reminder that “I’m still here. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.”

This doesn’t mean we suppress our own feelings or never speak up. But it means we stay emotionally regulated and choose not to escalate. We create safety. And safety is where healing happens, for our relationship, and for the children who are watching and learning what love and repair look like. This is also very useful with our kids. We all just want to be understood and heard.

So the next time your partner (or child) is overwhelmed or activated, try pausing before reacting. Try saying, “I see you,” or, “I hear how hard this is for you right now.” Try turning toward, even if it's just with your body or your breath.

Because when we choose connection over correction, we build trust, not just with our children, but with each other.

If you and your partner are navigating moments like these and want support in staying more connected, I’d love to help. 

I offer parent coaching for individuals and couples who want to strengthen their communication, deepen their emotional connection, and build a more grounded home life, for themselves and their children.