What Does "Being a Good Parent" Mean?
We all want to be good parents. But what does “being a good parent” mean?
In the old parenting paradigm…
Being a good parent meant giving your kids a life and lifestyle that (perhaps) you never had or your parents weren’t able to afford. It looked like:
- Giving your child nice clothes
- Taking lavish family vacations
- Being enrolled in the best schools
- Committing to a plethora of extracurricular activities
- Fulfilling voids or rewarding behavior with toys, the latest gadgets, or just plain stuff!
Yes, we all want our kids to be good at everything, but these are all just pitfalls to an old way of parenting, where we reward good behavior with material objects.
Additionally, in the old parenting paradigm, parents focus on:
- Good behavior
Parents push kids to prepare them, and as a result, end up punishing them or shaming them in order to stop certain behaviors. They ask, "Is my child good enough?" which is a reflection of the question, "Am I good enough?"
Does this sound familiar?
If so, you are NOT alone. Most parents think they are supposed to provide their children opportunities that we were not afforded to them. They even compare themselves to other parents or feel like they are competing to an imaginary finish line… to a “successful” life… and the elusive desire for happiness.
This is what we call Unconscious Parenting. It is disconnected, inauthentic, and unaware.
Is this what’s best for my child? And for me?
Am I really serving my child's deepest needs? And mine?
Am I trying to have them fit in so that I feel like I fit in?
Do I want to feel connected and lovable?
The New Paradigm of Parenting
Parenting is changing—There’s a New Parenting Paradigm. It’s about looking inward, becoming self-aware, and making conscious, responsible choices. It’s about being authentic and connected with ourselves and our children.
Why do we react?
Why do we need to give our power to our children or take it away from them?
Why can’t we say no to them or continually say no to them?
Why do we want to give too much to them or not give to them at all?
Why do we feel such pressure, need to control, feel like terrible parents?
Why do we feel so stressed out and miserable?
Doing the inner work with ourselves through the relationship with our child is why we are in each other’s lives!
To begin the journey to the New Parenting Paradigm, we start learning about ourselves. We observe our reactions and interactions. We stop doing certain things, and start gaining greater results.
- What if we stopped directing them?
- What if we no longer tried to enforce, control, direct or demand from them?
- What if we no longer punished them or gave into their demands?
- What if there is no hierarchy as a parent?
This is the new paradigm of parenting, it’s way less stressful, and fosters mutual respect, admiration, and trust between you and your child. This new approach is what being a good parent is *truly* all about.